*Customer looks at reserved sign on table* "Is this table reserved?"

Nah, we put that sign there for shits and giggles!

Me: "Okay, here's your water bottle, I'm just gonna grab you some glasses!"

Customer: "We're gonna need some glasses!"

...I literally have no words...

"Can I have a virgin bloody mary?"

So...you literally just want a tomato juice?

Drunken customer: "Do you want a shot? Have a shot with me!"

Yeah alright then, I'll just have a shot on shift and get fired!

"Can I have a J20 in a wine glass"

Drinking a soft drink out of a wine glass doesn't make you seem anymore sophisticated fyi - who're you trying to impress?

*Stands in front of the menus* "Can I have a menu!"

If you use your eyes, you will see wondrous things!

Clicks fingers/whistles/waves money in your face

Not today, Satan, I'm not serving someone that treats us like animals.

"Why don't you have that one deal on anymore, I'm gonna complain"

Wait...I'm sorry? You're gonna complain because you can't get a discount on something? That makes zero sense - goodluck with that! These 3 ladies came into the pub wanting the 20% discount of bottles of wine we used to do on Thursdays, and said they'd have water instead because we didn't have it on anymore. Talk about dramatic 🙄

Me: "That'll be £2.25 please!"

Customer: "I'm sorry I've only got a £20"

Now, this is a VERY British thing to do. When I was in Australia I noticed that nobody did it or even cared - I remember buying a soft serve ice cream in McDonald's for $1 with a $50 note, and nobody even batted an eyelid. We seem to always apologise when we give the server way too much money...but the thing is, there's generally always change, so why do we feel the need to apologise?