Don't judge a book by its cover

18:30

"...the reason it feels like you're the only one with an anxious internal monologue is that yours is the only one you can hear. We don't have access to other people's minds - so we're forced to judge their emotional state by their behaviour."

When I read this in Psychologies Magazine, it honestly blew my mind. I do often look at people and think that they have their life together; they look confident, they seem like they don't care what people think. The key words in that are "look" and "seem" - looking or seeming, and actually how you feel are two completely different things. To others, I may look confident and sure of myself on the outside, but I'm not afraid to admit that on many an occasion I have gone home and cried because someone's tiny comment made my mind go into overdrive.

Social media is also a big cause of this judgement and assumption - we see someone's seemingly "perfect" life on Instagram with their happy smiles, beautiful clothes in wonderful locations. We yearn for a life like that, when in reality, every picture is orchestrated, and most of these people post their highlight reel to give out a positive vibe. Although it's nice to air your worries and thoughts sometimes on social media, you don't want your feed to be constantly filled with negativity, as it will make you feel even worse.

Your friends, influencers and celebrities online may look as though they lead the "ideal" life, but I would bet anything that they also have their insecurities, worries and fears as much as you and I. You just can't judge it because you don't have access to their minds and that's something you will NEVER have...unless sometime in the future we invent some crazy mind reading machine 🤷‍♀️but for now, we don't, haha! But, you know what I mean!

Even when people are telling us information about themselves, we have no idea if they're withholding anything else or if they have any other deeper feelings about any given subject because you do exactly the same with your own thoughts. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment, and take a second to reflect that not everything is as it looks on the outside. Don't judge someone so harshly for having a short temper, for example, when you have no idea what life is like for them at the moment and how they're dealing with it.

We just all need to be a little more kinder to one another and a little bit more sympathetic to the fact that life can be shit sometimes, and that's okay. We can work through it together.

Expect nothing, live in the moment

13:27


It's actually crazy how my lack of inspiration for a blog post is actually turning into a blog post - ironic or what? 

I've literally been sat staring at my laptop screen for the past hour waiting for inspiration to strike. I have so many ideas in my head, but you know when none of them really strike you in the moment to write - yeah, that. So, I've been switching between tabs, reading others peoples blogs, waiting for that one thing to just hit me, and as you can guess, it didn't. 

This was when I started to feel like shit - I started to feel bad about the fact that none of my great ideas were flowing out of me instantaneously as I imagined they would, I started to feel guilty that I was considering closing my laptop for another day. I just felt useless that I wasn't living up to the high standards and expectations that I'd set for myself. 

I recently finished, for the second time, "Unf*ck Yourself" by Gary John Bishop, and coming upon this situation reminded me of his chapter about expectations. When we enter different situations in our life whether it be romantic, business or even just personal, we set our own expectations (consciously or otherwise) of how things will pan out, and here's the kicker, it doesn't always work out the way you think it will. 

The real test comes when your expectations are not met. Are you just going to feel sorry for yourself and give up or are you going to fight through it and persevere?
Life can be like that at times. On some occasions you have to realize that the game has changed (sometimes dramatically so) and you need to pivot. Deal with your reality ~ Gary John Bishop
My expectations were that because I had set my sights on something and had finally made a decision about doing something with my blog and my upcoming business, that I would just be instantly inspired to work, and the ideas would just come flowing. I'm not saying that this won't eventually happen, but I can't stop at the first hurdle because it's not coming as easily as I would have hoped. 

Living in the present moment is what's going to help you here. There's no point in dwelling over what's happened in the past because you can't change that. You will get nothing out of obsessing over what will happen in the future because that's something that's yet to come, and you will never see it because when it does come, it will be your present. You need to learn to take everything one day at a time, don't obsess over what's happening tomorrow, but focus on today and what you will do today to strive towards your long term goals - tomorrow never comes.
When you expect nothing, you're living in the moment. You're not worrying about the future or rejecting the past. You're simply embracing your situation as it comes ~ Gary John Bishop
With this being said, for the rest of the day I'm going to not let myself feel guilty over shutting everything off and just chilling out. I've spent too long trying to force things into fruition that I just end up hating myself for it, so this time I'm going to just take myself away from the situation and come back at another point with fresh eyes. I'm learning to rest and not quit, because I know I'm onto a good thing if I just keep pushing.

How I Journal

18:00


Journaling has completely changed my life.
It's created a daily habit for me, which if you know me, is a big deal.
It's helped me to release the thoughts in my head.
It's helped me to deal with problems.
It's a safe space where I can be myself.

Journaling is one of my favourite things to do each morning and today, I want to delve into what goes into my journal so maybe give you some inspiration to start one of your own.

Gratitude
I like to write a list of everything that I'm grateful for that day, but I also like to write why I'm grateful for it. Having a reason behind your gratitude makes it more relevant to your life, therefore making you think more about how it's impacted you as a human being. "I am grateful for wonderful friends because they always pep me up and keep me happy"

Affirmations
I write little affirmations about how I want to feel, but I write them in the present tense like I already have them to help me believe that much is true - they give me a positive energy for the day. I go into more detail about affirmations in this blog post. "I am enough, I am loved "

Florence Scovel Shinn
I like to write a little mantra based and inspired by the words of Florence Scovel Shinn: "What is mine by divine right shall be mine in its perfect way. I trust the universe completely". Florence shows us that self development isn't just a new modern fad, and that it's been around for years, and it's teachings are absolutely timeless and actually haven't changed much. I write this little inspired quote of mine, every single day to show trust in the process and that I'm happy to wait till the time is right for things to happen. 

Daily Wins
At the end of every day, I like to write about things that have gone well today even if it's only small. Even on the worst of days you can always find something to be positive about, you may find it trivial, but sometimes the smallest things are victories in your day - "I had a shower this morning, I got out of bed". The smallest of things for some people are the hardest, and it's important that you celebrate the small wins as much as the big ones.

Positive Lists
If I'm feeling especially low about a situation, then I try to create a list of ways that I can see it in a positive light - I will write at least 10 positive factors about my situation, and oftentimes, seeing something in a good light will help you to think about your situation in a different way as you're not focusing on why you are negative about everything. I talked about this in my post about dealing with stress at work.

Free Writing
Sometimes I just like to write about what's on my mind, whether that's how I've been feeling, what I've been doing, or anything that just pops up into my head at the time. There are no rules or regulations about how or what I write, I just do it. Sometimes I draw or decorate around my writings to help my creativity flow, but sometimes I just write solidly for a couple of pages, it all depends on my mood on that particular day. 

Negative/Positive
I have been journaling regularly for a couple of years now, and my journal has definitely evolved. I used to use it as a diary; writing about things that happened to me and how I felt about them. I found that through doing this, I had made my journal into a hive of negativity where I would just rant about how bad I felt, how x was awful for doing this to me and how I was just generally resentful towards most things in my life. Now, I'm not saying that I've stopped this completely, because it's completely natural to let things out in your journal, it's your safe space after all, but like the positive lists, I liked to analyse my situations once I'd got it out of my system and really think about how I could make it into a positive, or how I could use this "negative" to my advantage, or what lessons I could learn from it. I now turn my negatives into positives.

As aforementioned, my journal has evolved over time, and I'm sure this time next year it will have changed again, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. As human beings, we're forever changing and that's just a process of life. Do you journal? How do you do it?

Affirmations

15:44


I'm a big believer that whatever you put out into the world is what you will receive back - if you're negative towards everything, then you will only attract negative into your life and vice versa, positive attracts positive. 

I have been using affirmations in my journal as of late in order to gain some positive energy in my life. I see an affirmation as a way of proclaiming to the world what you want to be in a way that makes it seem as though you already have it - so instead of writing "I want" or "I will" you write "I have" or "I am" as if what you want is already in your possession. 

I am beautiful
I am successful
I am loved

By using these present tense words, it affirms to your higher self that you believe that you are what you say, and you will start to see positive changes in your life. However, using future tense words like "I want" shows that this is something that you lack, so by thinking of lack, lack is what you will receive. Can I say lack anymore in that sentence? You know when you write/say a word so much that it starts to lose all sense of meaning....yeah, that! 

I have to add that just because you're writing these affirmations everyday, it doesn't mean that it's going to magically happen for you. You need to put in the work for what you want to achieve at the same time - you could be writing the affirmations every day, but spending the rest of the day being a potato on the sofa watching Netflix, and that, my friend, is not going to get you anywhere no matter how hard you believe or write those affirmations. 

Personally, I like to be relatively realistic with my actionable affirmations. In an ideal world, I would absolutely love to become a morning person, but by writing "I am a morning person" as stated before, isn't going to magically turn me into a morning person - I find it extremely hard to get up in the morning due to my shift work and just generally feeling tired for the majority of the day. I've started using the affirmation, "I have the ability to be disciplined" because it's realistic and it's something that I can do. It's not forcing me to change but it's telling my higher self that if I choose to accomplish something that I am more than capable of doing it. Mental affirmations are a different story though and I believe that you should write pages and pages of how beautiful you are if it helps you to truly see how beautiful you really are if you lack that kind of confidence. 

As with everything that I write, I'm talking from my own personal experiences and ways of dealing with things, but everyone is different. Have you ever practised affirmations? What's worked for you? What hasn't?

Little Reminders You May Need To Hear

18:22


You are loved
Never ever think otherwise about this fact. There are plenty of people in the world that love you deeply for a plethora of reasons and hate seeing you this way.

Your mental health does not define you
Your mental illness is a part of you, yes, but in no way, shape or form does it define you as a human being. You are a multi-faceted wonder of a person, and neither you or anyone else should believe in anything else. You need to accept what you have and learn to live with it, not fight against it. 

You are NOT a burden
Never think that you are a burden on your friends and family. They are your friends for a reason and if they can't accept this part of you, then you need to cut them off straight away because it's not something that you choose to be. Your true friends will care about your wellbeing, listen to you and will try and help with your problems as best they can. More often than not they want you to be able to tell them your problems, and just because they're going through things of their own, doesn't mean they don't care about you and your problems too.

Get outside...NOW
I've always been reluctant to do this for one reason or another, mainly comfort, but getting some fresh air does you the world of good. It doesn't need to be for a run or anything strenuous, you could just go for a walk or even just sit in your garden, but getting outside into the open air is going to work wonders on clearing your mind.

You are not alone
You may be thinking to yourself that you're the only one feeling what you're feeling right now but you're not. There are so many people that either don't realise they have a problem, or are too scared to open up to anyone about how they feel in case they're looked down upon or judged - I know I was one of those people. 

Talk to someone, anyone
It doesn't need to be a doctor if you're not comfortable with that just yet, but talk to a close friend or family member about how you feel. I've been surprised in the past to find that the person I've spoken to feels exactly the same way as me, and that, as well as the actual act of telling someone, gives you the biggest sense of release. Keeping things bottled up isn't helping anyone, including yourself.

Don't compare yourself to other people
Just because you feel that someone else has it worse than you doesn't mean that your pain isn't valid. Pain is pain, and we all feel it in individual ways.

It's okay to not be okay
You shouldn't be expected to try and be positive and happy all the time - there are other emotions that are equally as valid and you need to feel those too. Nobody's life is perfect, we all have rough days, and sometimes you just need to wallow for a while before you get back up and kick some ass.


Action Leads To Motivation

11:55


So it's been a hot minute since I last blogged, and this is going to sound like a cliché, but I never stopped thinking about you - I make this blog sound like an ex lover or something. Anyways, I digress, I was absent not because of lack of interest but lack of motivation.

I went back to my old routine of feeling sorry for myself, sitting around thinking about how I'm in a rut, thinking about how to get out of said rut, thinking about all the things I want to do, but still ultimately just sitting there not doing anything about it but thinking. Whilst writing this, I'm also trying not to overthink this too much as I just want to get something out there to get the ball rolling again.

It felt almost depressing how much I was overthinking everything and just being inside of my head for hours on end before having a "break" and heading to work. Work has always been a kind of release from myself, as I enjoy what I do so much, but it shouldn't be like that - I can't spend my free time just moping around when I have other passions and projects that I want to pursue. 

I heard a quote a couple of weeks ago that basically changed everything for me: motivation doesn't lead to action, action leads to motivation.

This quote, honestly, turned my whole mindset upside down. I was always under the impression that once I got the motivation to do something, everything would just suddenly fall into place, and I would be able to achieve everything I've always wanted to achieve. I was wrong. I came to realise that the complete opposite was true - I need to take the first steps to actually DO SOMETHING first. The inspiration and motivation comes from the doing rather than the thinking, as you've already established that you're capable of doing it. 

I've implemented things back into my life that I got out of the habit of doing: running, journaling and getting up earlier. I've limited it at the beginning so as to not overwhelm myself, but I've found that now I've done it a few times that I really wanna carry on and prove to myself that this wasn't a fluke. I'm in competition with myself to carry on, I want to prove to myself that I CAN do this and that I won't go back to my old ways like my subconscious always thinks that I will. In my mind, it's the norm for me to sit around feeling sorry for myself, but I don't want that to be my "normal" anymore, I want to create a new normal for myself doing things that I want to be doing. 

Motivation won't just strike you if you sit around waiting for it to come.

Social media detox - a week on

18:00


It's been over a week now since I deleted social media, and guess what? I don't miss it.

I genuinely thought that not having Facebook would drive me crazy, but the absolute honest truth of the matter is that I don't really feel anything at all. It's made me realise that social media is just...well...there! I just don't have any real emotion for or against social media, which shows that it's our own fault we get so distracted by it each day.

I don't feel as though deleting social media has made me any more productive though, unfortunately. I've gone from scrolling Facebook and Instagram every 10 minutes, to switching from Messenger to WhatsApp every 10 minutes instead, to see if anyone new has messaged me - the answer is more often than not, no! Even without Facebook, I'm distracted by the fear of missing out, the fear that nobody likes me enough to message, and the fear that I've removed myself from every day life. This is a fear that has happened because of social media, but, has been created by our own choice. 

I'd go as far as to say that in this day and age, social media has become a real addiction for some people. 

We get gratification from our notifications and the number of messages we receive, so when we hardly have any communication with anybody we start to feel bad about ourselves. I'm a big believer that social media is what has caused some of my mental health issues - constantly needing validation in the form of a ringtone, a like or a comment. I know it's not fully to blame though, there is always an element of choice in everything that we do, as hard as it is. 

Facebook is built to be addictive, it's built to make you come back, it knows exactly what it's doing, and it does it well. Credit to the creators, really.

I've begun limiting the amount of time that I'm on my phone now as well, I'm starting to leave my phone in another room when there's something that I need to be doing. It's sad, but I sometimes I feel like I've lost a limb when I don't have my phone on me, but I know deep down that I work so much better when I don't have that little contraption of distraction on me.

I keep saying that social media and being on your phone is a choice, and it is, but after so many years of being so reliant on it, it's not easy to just put down. It's a deeply ingrained habit in so many of us, and I, for one, want to get out of the habit and into my life.